Funny Resume – Do Not Try This At Your Next Interview

Below is a job application submitted by a 75 year old senior citizen to Walmart in Southern California. They hired him because he was funny.

NAME: Kenneth (Grumpy Old B…..)

SEX:     Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President, but seriously whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options. If that is not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than what I am worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any
PREFERRED HOURS: 1.30 – 3.30 PM Monday, Tuesday and Thursday
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they are suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER: If I had one, would I be here.
ARE YOU ABLE TO LIFT UP TO 50LBS ?       Of what
DO YOU HAVE A CAR: I think the more appropriate question here would be, do you have a car that runs.
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE: On the job – no…….On my breaks – yes
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DOING IN 5 YEARS: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blonde supermodel who thinks that i am the greatest thing since slice bread. Actually, i would like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 MILES
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE: Oh yes, absolutely.

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We do not suggest trying the above technique at your next job interview.

Until Next Time …

 

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